Links to my Short Stories!

What was the value of human life? Someone’s child is nothing but a liability to me, yet everything to them. How do we measure something like that? Hanging from my neck under the waterfall, I wondered. Arms weaken by weeks of hunger pulled at the rope, its rigid fibers dug into my flesh, the skin felt like it was burning away with every pointless jerk and pull of my body. Fear would have been the proper response. This life taught me something else. A silent death was the only thing I should fear. Kicking and gasping for air, I was not going like my mother had. The empty blank stare in her eyes as the raiders used her. Again and again until the dim light faded. If I was to die, it would be with an inferno in my gaze. “Run!” the voice came from an elderly lady at the top of the cliff. Moments later, the rope slacked and dropped me. I hit the rocks under me before the water. Ignoring the pain in my legs, I swam upwards, the rope still chewing into my neck. Breaking through the surface, air greeted my lungs and like a desperately lonely lover, they struggled to pull in every bit. Breathing consumed my thoughts until my naked body couldn’t feel the cold or pain. Just the shaking fire in my blood, growing with every breath. A loud thud and snap echoed no further than a foot from my head. It sounded like someone hit a clay bowl under slabs of meat. When I turned around, I could see an elderly woman spread out on a rock. An ivory white stick pointed out of her thigh. The end of it was jagged and had a black center that bubbled up a thick red fluid. Wounds like that were the end of stories. In the golden age she might have survived, but there was no hospital coming to save her now. The smell grabbed me by my face and smashed into my nose. This woman had infected wounds along her wrist and neck. A thick green liquid oozed from the open sores along her throat, every half gagged breath pulsed the fluid out more. My body remembered how to feel pain. It reminded me I was still in danger. Feeling like rubbing glass on an open wound when I loosened the rope. My hands fumbled with the knot and if I wasn’t a strong swimmer, I would not have been able to stay afloat. “How many are up there?” I asked, keeping a watch on the cliffs above me. Muscles still curled and kicking my throat with every inhale. She smelled of death, and not an easy one. “Run… Run…” her speech was turning into nothing more than muttering. Every word tensing the skin under her chin. Creamy blood trailed down her broken collarbone. I needed my bow. But it was on the other side of the river. It was a lot of open water to swim through. No matter how good of a swimmer I was, it was a stupid risk. Abandoning her felt wrong, but she was already dead. Her mind just hadn’t figured it out yet. Something primal, something buried deep inside me, wanted to look at her closer. To look this death in the eyes. I could see the side of her caved in face was turning the surrounding water an unsettling red. “I’m sorry.” The kindness she showed me wasn’t something I could repay. If the raiders also had bows, I could swim under the water enough to avoid being shot. If they had guns. Well, I was also already dead, just hadn’t figured it out yet. Securing my feet on the cold stone under me, I readied to dive. That was when I saw another figure jump from the cliff. Holding the other end of the noose. Their body hit the water and disappeared into the deep black. The creatures preferred the water. Their bodies changed to survive in the icy darkness. This wasn’t a raider, this was one of the infected. Something that walked inside the male’s bodies. Their eyes void of light. Just vessels for what had destroyed our world. The ripples from the splash travelled from the centre of the river until they touched my toes. Crossing was no longer an option. One last look back at the dying woman, it was clear her story was concluding. Her eyes darted back and forth as she mumbled into nothing. It reminded me of a rabbit. I had caught them in snares enough to see that look. The large pupils, blank emptiness, both her and my mother returned to their natural state before death, just scared animals. The value of a human life wasn’t much different from that rabbit. This world was a great equalizer. In the end, it enjoyed reminding us of that. Like the prey I was, my body reacted. Jumping up, I grabbed my clothes from the rocks and threw my cloak over me. Swimming to the wrong side of the river. Once my feet touched the soil, just before I reached the tree line, that’s when I heard it. A soul gripping wail, ending with audible gargling. These things ate the flesh of women, all to nourish the bacterial parasite gestating inside them. A creature in the form of a man stood at the top of the cliff. Hunched over, wearing rags of flesh crudely sewn together, with long strips dangling down. The longest of them was a slender arm, that of a human child. A tiny voice struggled to scream from the water behind me. “I can’t swim!” When I pulled my stare from the creature, there was a sinking feeling of guilt. Nineteen years of life taught me not to be a hero. A drowning child was bait for these things. Heroes ended up tied to a table for the rest of their lives, just spawning broods for one of the many raider gangs, and that was if they were lucky. That thing at the top of the cliff could and would do much worse. “Mother!” the drowning child screamed. She was just a stranger moments ago. Just valued as chunks of meat and bones. I had a sister sold for two cans of pasta sauce and some dried fox meat. This child would be worth more to some of the more unkind men, but nothing more than just a couple of cans of food. It was the thought of her mother laying on those rocks, which changed her value. “Just run!” I said the words out loud, screamed them to myself. But before I knew it, I was diving into the water. My limbs had worked less gracefully than usual. I was thrusting myself through the water more than actually swimming. The child continued to scream and was just keeping her head above the unforgiving deep. The closer I got, the louder the monster’s wailing would become. Until I reached the child, and heard a loud splash of water just ahead of us. Grabbing the kid’s coat, I pulled and swam as hard as my beaten and bruised body would allow. My legs slowed and the motions of kicking became shorter and more strained. Pulling the extra weight was more than I could handle. Every beat of my heart threatened to rip the organ from my chest. The river had pulled the vile liquid bleeding out of the child’s mother into the water. As my panicked swimming failed me, I tasted the ugly truth that was death. It filled my mouth and fell down my throat, coating every inch of fibre that could taste. Its sharp flavor was worse than its smell, a feast of carcasses violating my tongue, forcing its way inside of me. As my body continued to push, as it puked out the kiss of the reaper. It showed me a painting of the departed. This pain, this flavor, the smells, all of it was the enemy. One I raged against. Disregarding the exhaustion and the damage, I willed my body to keep kicking. It obeyed, by fear or something deeper. I reminded it its place. We moved forward until we were stopped. It wasn’t because of the failing of my will. No this time it was the strong and unrelenting grip of death, in the form of the infected, holding on to my ankle and pulling me down, deeper into the water’s blackness. Letting go of the child and pushing her towards the rocks, I fell deep. The cold embrace that surrounded me closed its long bony fingers around my hips and trailed up my body. Violating and touching every part of me. The light of the moon was dimming the further it pulled me into the dark water. Despite my struggling, the infected held on to my ankle. Squeezing tight enough that I could feel its overgrown nails stabbing into my flesh. “Rage. Fight. Embrace the inferno.” Just an ember in the void, the last of a species of long dead stars. I would not out swim this thing. After being infected, the males could spend days in the water. Lingering in the deep darkness, just letting the parasite grow inside their bodies. Until it covered their transparent flesh in black roots. Grabbing at the slippery mud, I tried to find a stone. My hand wrapped around a long, straight branch that was stuck deep in the ground. The infected reached its second hand up to my hip, and I could feel its chest pulling itself up the back of my thighs. Trying not to panic, I dug into the ground. Muscles violently twitched and my chest felt like it was tightening, on the verge of collapsing. Walking on the edge of panic, the blade threaten to steal what little air was left in my body. The pus filled blood still coated my mouth, and the taste was only masked by the pain of pressure forming behind my eyes. The infected let go of my ankle and reached to the side of my face and pulled my head back. Its nails digging under my eyelid, where the orb should have been cushioned safety by soft flesh, now scrapped against long nails with ever turn. I told myself it was a war cry, and it might have been. A scream is just that, sometimes we just like to dance in the masquerade. Telling ourselves our howls in the night is what gives us courage. We are just children crying into the emptiness. Watching the bubbles of air escape my face, I knew this was the moment. The stick was loose enough to pull out. And with one mighty swing, I stabbed it back. It connected and what remained of the moon’s light turned crimson. The infected let go of me while kicking and punching violently. Leaping from the ground, I cut through the water. Swimming with complete disregard of the limits my body had broken through. When I made it to the surface I breathed in deep. At the same time, coughing and spitting out mouthfuls of water. As I approached the shallows. My body puked up the liquids I had swallowed. Despite that, I would never feel clean inside. Death had left her marks inside the once naive parts of me. Leaning my head back and feeling all the pain in my flesh, I screamed out. Cursed at the moon and swung my fist into the open air. I raged, I fought, and I killed the enemy. My value was that of a warrior. When I leaned back, looking at the shallow pool of water under me, I could see something. A bloated face looking back at me. The top of a half-eaten woman laid in the shallows. Her body being picked at by tiny fish. And over her shoulders was a coat. Made of human flesh. Turning around, I could see the body of my attacker floating up from the deep. Rushing over, I pulled the still warm corpse to shore. The stick that I had stabbed in her neck was a long bone, aged with green algae. It was when I moved the clumps of hair did I realize what I had done. The woman’s neck had matched mine. Wounds from the tightening of ropes. Genuine panic set in when I opened her mouth, and past the rotten gums and three remaining teeth was a recent wound. Where her tongue should have been. A deep inhale and stumble back was my only response. The deep clicking in the back of the infected throat was a hunting call. I heard it as the cold knife slid between my ribs. It stabbed quickly, then pulled out of me, and went back in. Again and again, until I leaned forward. The river was shallow enough to crawl. But I could only make it to the corpse of the woman I had just killed. As the clicking intensified, the small girl I had saved grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around to reveal her form clearly. What I had mistaken for a girl was that of a young man. Long hair sawn into his sculp. Black roots formed from the spine and skull, and covered all exposed skin. It was the smell that sent genuine fear down to the most secret parts of me. Mold, similar to that of an old, decayed basement, mixed with fish that were aged in the sun too long. The boy’s genitals were bloated to an unrecognizable sack. The skin stretched to the point of bursting, and inside were hundreds of black eggs. Pressing against the thin flesh until lumps and canyons formed a delicate hold. Like eyes just staring at me. Waiting to devour my organs. There was no battle cry this time. This infected reached maturity and wouldn’t be looking for a meal. I was not like the other women that had stumbled into his hunting ground. His hunger was more primal. My value was that of any orifice, something for him to lay a seed into. These infected were embodiments of the male’s desires. They had found perfect vessels within man. “rage.” I whispered. The clicking slowed for a moment as the infected boy turned his deformed face towards me. Pulling the bone from the woman’s body, I swung it towards the infected. He tried to block with his arms, but the crude weapon easily pierced his frail neck. Punching my hand against the end of the bone, I stabbed again and again. Until the boy fell. I continued until I could feel the tightening in my chest, the blood in my mouth. Until my body no longer spoke to me. Forcing myself one more time to move, I crawled away from the still fertile eggs that laid inside the boy’s floating body. My heart beat. It sounded like giants were walking in the forest. Looking down at me. To myself, I stood among them. Valued as much as the warmth and protection of fire, an inferno in the never ending darkness. Yet, to the clicking that started to echo all around me. I was nothing but a pile of flesh.

I was born in a cave at the dawn of humanity. Huddled up to the warmth of a fire, surrounded by my prey. That was a distant life, on a distant planet. Today I killed in a cave, next to a dying flame, starving. “You were supposed to bring the wood in.” I said to my companion’s lifeless body. The sweet taste of her last breath still clinging to my lips. A blank stare through large pink iris, watched the flicking of the flames. Even before I sucked the life out of her, she was already a synthetic husk. Just another one of the human’s vain creations. “People of the dirt.” I muttered to myself. Poking at the fire, I tempted to push out as much heat as I could. The wet wood next to it needed to dry or it would smother the tiny flames. Shadows of her silhouette danced around the walls behind us. Feeding on her killed everything organic inside the companion cyborg. Only the lies remained. The emotions of love, and even interest, were just programs. Things she faked to fill the void of her empty masters. She knew this; they knew it, and still she smiled and put on the show. It was all a sad mimic of what I fed off of. Her life was only enough to keep me on the edge of starvation. “They did design you masterfully.” I said, looking at the perfectly fitted dress that hugged her modest curves. Her left eye twitched and with a quick jerk, her body sat up. Face still dead and blank, back stiff as a board. A twist of her neck and tilt of her head. She stared at me as she booted back up. “Adonis! You have not left me to die!” she said, with only half her face expressing her fake smile. “It’s raining. Maybe next time.” I said, poking the fire. “I am glad. Without a companion I will have to shut down everything other than my organics.” The other half of her face clicked into expression. Her once copper skin was now a pale white, lips a strangled blue. “Can your organics sustain you?” I asked, knowing it was my feeding that had caused this damage. “Oh no, I would die.” She said. When she blinked and looked away from me, I almost forgot what she was. Even when she attempted to stand, she stumbled, and reached her hands out to balance. Just like so many of my prey had before. “You are still hungry.” Veil’s body still processed hormones. I evolved to attract the human side of her. Predatory adaptations released pheromones from inside me, causing her kind to produce oxytocin. “You’re mimicking my prey. My body is just doing what it’s been doing for thousands of years.” I said, opening my blanket to let her in. She smiled and skipped over before cuddling under my arm. Resting her head on my shoulder. “Keep this up and you will actually kill me.” We both smirked. Neither of us was fully living, yet if we were alone, we would stop completely. All we could do for each other was exist. “The bulk of the ship’s wreckage is just beyond that mountain. We get over that and I will have proper game, and you can find a proper companion.” The words tugged at something inside me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, while it felt like jealousy, it wasn’t really that. “We could always stay together?” her programing imprinted her on me. She didn’t mean it. “Please, you are my food’s toy.” Those words would hurt a human, but she wasn’t supposed to be something so feeble. “And you are a parasite.” Her head twitched with the words. A humming came from the back of her head before she looked up at me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.” “Yes, you did. You’re just a slave to your programing. That apology is as fake as the love you offer.” This was also new to me. The opinion of my food was never a concern before. The humming in her head intensified. “And you’re a predator, slave to your instincts. My love might be a program, but yours is a weapon!” “Is this anger even real? Or just a part of the persona?” oddly, I smelled it in her blood, blended in the metallic undertones, she was agitated. “I don’t… I don’t know.” The humming went silent, and she lowered her head. Her kind accommodated the socially fragile as much as the masochist. Something inside her was saying defiance was the way to my heart. While my body kept pushing oxytocin into hers. Not loved, yet not hated. Just living on the edge of heaven and hell. The rain stopped the next day. We gathered what supplies we had and started our walk to the mountain. The moon we had crashed on shared an atmosphere with its planet. Breathing here was difficult for humans. Veil and I were immortals, and in the right environment we had god like power. Yet together, in this isolated place, we kept each other frail. “So, were you in Egypt before? With pharos and stuff?” Veil asked. “Do you actually care?” “Nope, but my programming says people enjoy talking about themselves and experiences. It allows them to open up and eventually fall in love.” She said as I reached up to grab her hand and helpe her down a rather steep boulder. “We can’t fall in love.” “Maybe.” “Humans require love, not me.” I said, while turning to scout the area in front of us. “Oh, I’m a mysterious succubus. I’m so beautiful when I brood.” Her movements while mocking me were eccentric, but soft. Bounces of the hips and waves of the hands. She was adorable. “I am beautiful.” I turned back and gave her the best half smile I could muster, arching my brow to the side and just slightly parting my lips. When her eyes met mine, I deepened the smile and let out a soft sigh. Breaking the stare in a faked embarrassment. While releasing enough hormones to drive a mere human insane with lust. “Oh wow! That was good! Gave me thoughts that would make my motherboard blush.” Veil’s expression looked so real. I had seen it before. The moment I absorbed the life from someone, the look of pure affection. This was a sight reserved for moments of death, at least for me. “Enough of that. We need to get out of the forest before nightfall.” I said, retreating from the conversation. Thousands of years of life, and I had only seen a handful of my kind. Love wasn’t really an option, we used it to lure in our prey. A human wouldn’t court another with a cattle prod and chains. Well, most wouldn’t. We made it to the base of the mountain as the sun set. Night here was more of a dim dusk. The fire we lit was smaller now, sickly. “The flames struggle.” Veil pointed out. “The air isn’t as thick as earth, but you knew that.” I responded. “Yup, but I wanted to give you the chance to explain.” She whispered in defeat. “Have you been to Egypt?” I asked. Testing her. “No. my previous owner didn’t let me leave the room. Our relationship was more physical.” She was lying. I activated her after the crash. “You think I’m attracted to the weak?” I asked. “Thought I would try the helpless thing.” “Veil, I have seen what love does. At least when I use it to kill, there is an honesty in it. I am true to my nature. Humans use it to cheat and lie to each other. My prey dies in a state of complete euphoria. There are worse ways to go.” Thoughts of those I had killed flashes in my mind. No remorse. Just a vast ocean of souls. The humming in her head started again. “You judge my love! Call it fake, but so is yours!” her screaming echoed off the walls of the mountain. “I am also immortal. I know what you are and accept it! Yet, I’m failing my only reason for living. Because the only time you care is when you’re killing me.” I just sat there, staring at her. In the fire’s struggling light, I could see her right eye was clouding over. We had been out here for a month and I had fed on her ten times already. She would remain dead for the day and after two days, I would need to feed again. Tomorrow I would have to kill her. “You’re damaged.” It hurt me to say it. “No! I just care, I think. Maybe. My chest hurts. I don’t want to die again.” Veil sat herself down next to me. The tears in her eyes smelled real. “Why don’t you care?” “I care just as much as you.” I was being petty, despite my better nature. The words caused a notable flinch. “That’s not fair.” “I give others a gift I can never receive myself.” I said, gently running a finger along my bottom lip. “Seeing a light in their eyes, which I will never experience. Life isn’t about being fair, it’s about surviving.” I spoke in a tone you would use to explain death to a child. “Maybe survival isn’t all it’s cut out to be.” her hair dropped down my chest as she rested herself against me. “We both see that light in others. We both live forever. Yet together, we can’t accomplish either. Perfectly alone together.” I didn’t have it in me to smile at the impressively cruel joke. “You’re sad.” The humming inside her head dulled. “I’m immortal, beautiful, an apex predator. What do I have to be sad about?” my lower lip tensed at her accusation. “An apex predator that left their hunting grounds. Self-sabotage isn’t a sign of good mental health. Do you want to be loved, or are you just tired of existing?” “I could ask you the same.” It had been a long time since someone I spoke to truly understood that question. The humming in the back of her head screeched before snapping off. “My programing tells me I want to be loved, and that I want to live. So I keep faking happiness, but the only time I feel happy is when I die.” “You are what humans believe love is. A shallow interpretation.” She didn’t argue, and I didn’t pretend my kind hadn’t taught this to her creators. I knew that moment what needed to be done. We were close to the ship’s wreckage. I told myself I could make the rest of the journey without feeding on her. When she rested her head on my lap and wrapped her hands around my thigh, I made a silent promise. The crimson tear that leaked down the side of my dying face said otherwise. When the morning came, we started for a low point in the mountain. The distance wasn’t great, but the terrain was steep and full of blade like rocks. At full strength, it was a journey I could easily complete within the hour. In this state, it took the better part of the day, “How much physical contact is required to kill someone?” Veil asked, as she mimicked struggling up the hill. Reaching for the stone in front of me, I could see the shaking in my hands and feel the bleeding from my eyes. If I stayed ahead of her, she wouldn’t notice. “The less experienced require more touch.” I said, with less than a little pride in my voice. “And you can kill with just a kiss. Kind of takes the fun out of it.” A soft, playful laugh trailed along her statement. In my attempts to laugh, I ended up in a fit of coughing. The weight of blood filling my lungs was taking its toll. Shotgun blasting splats of red pellets out of my mouth alerted Veil. “It’s day three! You need to feed.” She rushed up to me and placed her hand on the side of my face. The skin stung on contact and I pushed her away. “No!” I said, getting up. “We are almost there.” Any moment we would be at the top of the slope in the mountain. “We still need to journey to the wreckage. That’s at least a day. Please, just kiss me.” the words slipped through her blue lips. The outside of them had turned white, and the skin was flaking. In the right lighting, she already looked dead. “I didn’t live this long not knowing my limits. I will be fine.” That was a lie. Humans craved love beyond reason. My meals were plenty. “Let me help you.” She demanded, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. Even with her help, I could feel the weight of living. Once we made it to the top of the slope, two things happened. First, we saw the wreckage of our ship, surrounded by a small camp. Second, my heart was failing. Pains in my chest were accompanied by a numbing in my limbs. “I should be able to contact them now.” Veil reached in her bag for our radio. “Wait, they are powering down.” I looked over to see the lights flickering away. Hairs on my body stood up and I could feel the electricity in the air shifting. “EMP!” I jumped up, trying to shield Veil with my body. The invisible energy washed through me and into her. Regardless of all the times I had killed her, it was a malfunctioning ship that finished the job. Veil dropped to the ground. Her body was just a mass of flesh. “No!” I screamed. Looking back at the camp, I could see them reactivating their equipment. “I’m so sorry.” Blood dripped from my lips and onto her. Crimson tears blinded me. The pain inside me wasn’t something I had felt before. I had thought nothing could hurt more than this. Until I realized Veil was twitching. Her body was resurrecting up. Wiping away the tears, I lifted her head. “I didn’t leave.” I wondered how much of her was real. When she booted back up, her body was reset. The exotic copper tones of her skin and rose pedal red lips returned to their healthy state. Dying was just a beautiful lie. The deception wasn’t what hurt; it was the implication of how she viewed me. “Oh, I see.” The words seeped through the cracks of my shattered heart, both pathetic and devastating. She accepted me for what I was. The monster she enjoyed taming. “Hello, My Name is Veil. Is there anything I could do to assist you?” her voice had not changed tones, but it was impossibly different. “Just a kiss.” I responded, feasting on her famine.

My dreams reminded me how fragile reality was. The thin wall that breaks whenever I awake isn’t tangible, yet feels like the realist thing in that moment. A realm inside my own mind. If these worlds exist within me, why were they so dark? The intrusive tapping of paws on my hips demanded my full attention. A smaller than advertised chocolate lab mix reached for me. I hadn’t learned until she had stopped growing that the “mixed” part of her was a dachshund. A daughter that had long parted for college and a new life had bestowed her with the name Puddles. “Are you done?” I asked the aging hound. Snow and white hairs sprinkled her bottom jaw and around her eyes. Despite the distraction, the questioned remained, why were they so dark? Yet for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what had prompted the fixation. My days were becoming more isolated. Being a father since a young age, I had found reasons not to socialize. By the time my daughter was old enough to be left on her own, I had no interest in others. Brewing another coffee for one, I had found myself giving into the lure of loneliness. There was a veil of independence and freedom that came with it. If I had just left, nothing would hold me back. A whimpering from the hallway next to me reminded me what kept me here. Puddles sat patiently, waiting for her morning treat. “How about Tokyo! I feel like we can learn Japanese.” I proposed. She tapped her paws on the floor, and with an annoyed sigh, she made her thoughts clear. “They would have snacks in Tokyo. Think you are up for travelling?” I asked, tossing her a treat. The snack hit her nose and dropped to the floor. Her reactions had begun to slow. The clouding in her eyes and lack of ability to find the treat directly in front of her, casted down the chance of adventuring. “Not my best throw.” I said. With a flick of my foot, I moved the snack closer to her face. The rest of my day was working at home. After my daughter had left, her room was prime game for a new office. She had out grown her dream of living in my basement for the rest of her life. Thoughts of an endless duo now collected dust. Our memories were just items, lost in a move and quickly forgotten. New dreams took its place. As her father, I was incredibly proud. As a human, I missed her. The silence here had a murderous intent. After work, there wasn’t much time left for me. Sleep and repeat was my future. I was getting at the age where it was too tiring to be depressed about it. When I dreamed, I remembered every moment. From the night before, from the week before that. The same dream, the same dark place. The long hall of my apartment was outlined by the moon light. Standing at my door, I was yelling. I didn’t know why, not completely, just screaming into the darkness. At the end of the hall was a man. No, it was something else. Why were his arms so long? The feeling of something pulling my leg ripped me from the dream realm. “NO!” I screamed, but the figure disappeared. At my leg was a familiar brown coat of fur. Before I could get mad at the dog, she quickly retreated into my arms. Curling her body into mine. “He was kneeling.” The words confused both Puddles and I. The more I tried to remember why that was important, the more the memories faded, as if they were protecting themselves. The morning was a cold. The ice that lines the door cracked and sounded the charge for my funny looking guard dog. She ran outside with a glimpse of her youth. For a couple of seconds every morning, she could move with the freedom she once had. This was all before she got stuck in her loading screen, turning in the same circle twenty times, usually doubling that if the weather wasn’t to her liking. Often to my displeasure. “You keep this up and we will never get out of this place.” I had made the mistake of rushing her. The comment threw her off enough that she had to restart her ritual all over again. “Kneeling?” the thought came back to me. Why did I say that? Quickly, an image of a figure impossibly tall with wide protruding ribs flashed into my mind. Its limbs long with spikes and hair growing out in sporadic patches. Barking pushed the image away so fast I forgot to be scared. My hands shook and my spine stiffen but I couldn’t figure out why. Puddles leaned the front of her body downwards while pushing her wagging tail into the air. With a youthful vigour I had not seen in years, she nibbled at the bottom of my pants, begging to play. “You’re too old for this.” I said, but deep down, I missed it. The feeling of being needed. After throwing her toy around, we went back inside, and I readied my single coffee. This time she wasn’t waiting in the hall for her treat. When I had gotten her prize, I walked into the long hall. At the end was Puddles. She stood there watching the corner where the laundry machine was, just past the living room. The hair on her shoulders had risen. “Come and get this, or I’m going to eat it.” I said, waving her treat. As if just figuring out I was watching her, she turned and flopped her tongue out, running back to me. “If you’re cranky, it’s because you’re tired. You’re too old to be running around all morning.” Her youth was now just a moment in the day. While I worked, she placed her tired head on my lap. Every breath was heavy. “When I have a midlife crisis, you can pat my head.” I pushed a quick puff of air out of my nose. The truth was, I would be alone when I was her age, or worst a burden on the ones I love. There was nothing worth laughing about. After work, I place puddles in her bed, in the living room next to the end of the hall. She slept through the whole day. It was sad to think the last of her time would be like this. When I sat myself on the couch next to her, a realization infected my mind. I would spend the rest of my days on this couch watching videos that I quickly forgot. Distracting myself until I couldn’t even do that. It was hard to tell when I had fallen asleep. All I could remember was voices. I watched the same show enough that they sounded familiar, almost like friends. When I woke, the television had timed out and without its light; the room was dark. Once again, only the moon was there to outline the room. An abnormally cold chilled crept in from the end of the hall. Now and then, it reminded me why our ancestors huddled around the fire. We lost something when we traded survival for existence. “Did you leave a window open?” I asked, puffing the same sad air from my nose. When there was no tapping of paws or annoyed sighs, I looked over to Puddles’ bed. A layer of light frost covered the fabric. I reached over and grabbed the cushion, and felt it crackle under my grasp. It was unrealistically cold. My fingers instantly drained of blood and I dropped the oddity. “Puddles!” I called out while standing up. A gust of wind hit my back. That’s when I remembered the end of the hall. The creature, with long spiked limbs, impossibly tall, too large to have gotten through the doorway. Turning around, I saw it there again. Between, the creature and I, was Puddles. Standing at the same spot she was earlier that day. Hair up and ready to pounce. The creature quickly jerked its hand and slammed it against the wall. As if not knowing its own speed. Snapping of freezing wood echoed all around. “Puddles come!” I commanded. She turned to me. With a moment of her youth, she refused. Turning back to the threat and baring her teeth. Drawing an invisible line. One side an impossible evil and on the other the person she loved. “No! Come!” my legs shook as the creature jerked its limbs, trying to find a speed that fit this realm. Inching its body around. Puddles still defied me. Not wanting this to happen, and yet not being able to stop it. Doomed to watch this dark thing inside my mind devour me. “Come!” I pleaded, while reaching my hand towards her. When the creature turned fully to reveal it’s boney and torn body, it charged towards Puddles. With no concern for myself, I leaped for the tiny guardian. She turned around and jumped towards me. Opening her mouth wide and clamping it down as hard as her old muscles would allow. She bit into my arm. With the surge of pain, I awoke. “Puddles!” I screamed out. A cold sweat dripped from my face. When I tried to remember why I was so scared, the thoughts faded. It didn’t feel innocent anymore. The thoughts weren’t being forgotten; they were hiding. “Puddles.” I called out calmly, trying not to scare the dog. The morning sun was creeping in from the windows. Wind brushed fresh snow from the top of the roofs. It looked light diamond dust raining down onto a field of clouds. Memories of making snowmen and sliding with my daughter and the tiny awkward dog flooded my mind. So real I could taste the homemade hot coco. When I looked over at her bed, I could see her bed was empty. My stomach sunk and the back of my neck tensed. I knew where she was. I just didn’t know why. When I turned around, what I saw validated my concerns. My anchor, the little brown ball of fur, laid at the end of the hall. Her coat was different. As I approached, it didn’t look real, more like a doll, fake and wrong. “I’m sorry.” it was just something we said. But I meant it. This felt like my fault. The tears that fell from me dropped on to her cold, stiff body. Why was this my fault? When I reached for her, I realized how much my arm had hurt. In the night she had bitten me. Blood soaked the side of my shirt. After I washed up, I bandaged the wound. It was only enough to break the skin and the bleeding was light. The pain was just a fleeting thought. My heart was broken, and it was the only thing I could focus on. Standing in my kitchen, I readied to drink my coffee, truly alone this time. When I put the beans in the cabinet, an invisible fist punched me in the gut when I realized I had instinctively grabbed her treat. Putting it back, I thought about her arrangements. The blunt echoing pain of letting a loved one go. I never wanted my loved ones to worry about my empty corpse. Just wanted my ashes placed somewhere pleasant. She deserved the same treatment. For now, all she got was a bag in the deepfreeze. It was half ways through my work day before I even remembered to call in. I told myself I should just leave, but I knew I would be back in the same prison I had created for myself tomorrow. This was a life sentence. Holding the phone, I shook at the thought of calling my daughter. She had just finished her midterms and would be celebrating. My news would just drag her down. I felt guilty when a wave of relief washed over me. Hearing her voicemail made this a little easier. “Hey, Love. Puddles passed away last night. Looks like it was just old age. I’m fine. Been keeping busy. Hope you are doing good, I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you.” When I hung up, all I wanted was sleep. No matter how much I turned up the heat or how many blankets I put on, I still felt cold. But when I closed my eyes, I felt less alone.